Spicy Rasam

I loathe present

Uncertainty in all sides

Future stands tall

Full of sadness

Full of worry

I grieve silently

I grieve and demand to be heard

I grieve looking at god

I sulk, I cry, I fear and loathe some more

I hope for change

I hope for betterness

I hope to be free

I hope it will all be over

I hope to quit and leave, to run and never stop

I hope to be someplace else

I long to be loved

I long for my love

I seek to be happy, to be happy unconditionally

I seek, to love unconditionally

I am all this and some other painfully more

But I am not afraid

I am not scared

For I crave change

And I don’t love present

Then I fell in love

I loved my presence

I detested sadness

I cherished togetherness

Forgot loneliness

Cherished present

Hoped for a future

A future sans changes

A future sans sadness

I prayed with a smile

I thanked god

I was content

I was happy

I was loved

I loved unconditionally

And then…

I was afraid

I was scared to think further

I was scared of changes

I was scared my love would perish

 

My heart asked a question

“you’re insecure! You’re very scared

Why then live this way? Before you were secure!”

“Fear happily my heart” said I

“Fear and be happy”

“it’s ok to fear!”

“it’s ok to fear!”