Spicy Rasam

“You’re 25. It’s high time to start searching for a boy. If we wait, all the good ones will be gone” Now, how many of you are going into nostalgia. Seems familiar? For the people who are in blissful (really??) marriage, this is a wonderful (seriously??) memory. And for people who are truthful and admit “Dude I married very young.. baahaaaa”, well this will be a wonderful memory. Give it time.

I married young too. I was 24 when I got married. And there is not a month that goes by when I don’t remind myself, my mom, and my husband of that. (It’s like my bonus card when I’ve lost all possible arguments. “How can you say I don’t pay attention when you talk??? I married you at a tender age of 24”). But, jokes apart, is it really the right age? I mean I had not even started my career. I had great plans for my career, but alas I got pregnant. Do I regret it? Sometimes, yes. Would I have it any other way? No. Because I do not know a life without by baby. Shockingly, I found motherhood enjoyable. I never knew unconditional love before I had my little one.

Now coming back to marrying young. How many of you have felt that they’ve married young? That we had a child too young? Did not live life to fullest? Never had a chance to see the world? Never got to be alone? Never experienced love? Never got to have a career? If you’ve answered yes to any of these, don’t worry you’re not alone.

My major trouble is not being able to see the world. I want to go to USA (apparently, if you’ve seen USA, you’ve seen it all). The dream country everyone’s talking about in Facebook, Star world, and the movie channels. I want to go onsite. Now when I say onsite I do not mean on the client’s site. Because it might even be in Mumbai. Really!! One of my friend is onsite in Mumbai. I want to go to a client site in USA. Why? I just want to. I want to go to USA, live there for sometime with L1 or H1 or some other alphabet visa and then talk about “how it’s not that great, not worth it”.

Now don’t think I am reacting this way owing to peer pressure. Yes! I have friends who live is California, Bay area, NJ, NY, Carolina, Texas and Virginia. Yes! Their lives fascinate me. They eat black, blue, red (I think!!) berries. They get to eat so many different kinds of cheeses. They have great climate there (any temperature below 27 degrees is cold for me, but I can definitely handle 2 feet of snow. Really!!??). Their work culture is awesome. And this I quote “People have so much power here, we don’t have that in India”. And yes! I am not under any peer pressure. I know you’re probably thinking I should Google ‘peer pressure’.

Is it worth it? Should I go to USA? Should I re-root my family? I have no idea! Guess I have an American dream too. But am I ready to pursue that dream? Let’s face it. Our peers literally live all over the world. Yes, we all compete. It’s a rat race. Unknowingly, we compete. Take me for instance. I have an established life here. I am comfortable here. I love my life. My family is comfortable here. Yet! I wish to go to USA. Why? I’d probably say, I can earn more money. Yes! that will be true. But is that all that’s pushing me? Definitely not.

I even have a mother who constantly reminds me that I never go anywhere out of India. “at least get one visa stamp in your passport” she’d tease “or your passport is useless”. What a lovely mom!!! ( I am not being sarcastic here).

Now all this makes me wonder! Should I have not married young? Should I have lived my life, gone onsite, experience life before getting married? And I get angry with my family. They’re the reason I am stuck. My husband can’t go onsite (because all his clients are right here in India. How “unfortunate”.)  My family is weighing me down. If this is not peer pressure, I don’t know what is! ( I sound confused! Don’t I?)

And men and women… don’t give in. So what if you’ve married young? Doctors advise that marrying young is good. (listen to doctors!) So what if you can’t have a career. I went back to work after 4 years. If you have the self-motivation, tap it, use it and go for it. So what if you can’t see the world. Keep good health. You’re going to have loads to do during old age. My uncle is a very good example. He has settled-off both his sons and now he’s globe-trekking.

In a nutshell! Sit, think, be clear about what you want to do. I did that. Seems I still want to go to USA. Sigh… I’ll never learn. But don’t be like me. Be your own person and set your own goals.