Spicy Rasam

Jothi woke up to the cry of her youngest at 3:00 AM. She picked her daughter up and tried to soothe her as she rocked her on her lap. She closed her eyes and willed for her headache to go away. She’d been having headaches for the past 3 weeks. She’d consulted a doctor, but to no avail.

Jothi stayed in a small house in Kopra village. She used to do household work in the apartment buildings near the village in Kharghar, Sector 10. That was 5 years ago. Every time she returned to work, her family pressed her to have a boy. “You should focus on conceiving a boy, woman,” her mother-in-law would say. “Produce a boy, before your husband leaves you,” her mother would remind her. Jothi had 3 beautiful daughters and she did not want to get pregnant again. She wished she could detect the child’s sex in the womb, so that she does not have to go through the whole term in hope for a boy.

The youngest daughter had stopped crying and was smiling at Jothi now. Jothi smiled back at the 9-month-old baby. She turned to look at her husband who was fast asleep with no worries. She did not feel anger; she was just disappointed. He was a good husband according to the standards set for husbands. He did not drink, did not have affairs with other women, worked and was religious. Then, why did she feel disappointed, she wondered. She put the baby down on the mattress and headed to the washroom. Her house got water only for 2 hours in the morning. She had to fill up a huge bucket for later use. The washroom was already small, and the bucket occupied half the space. She filled a small bucket with water using a plastic mug. She looked at the big bucket and remembered the madam she used to work for. Jothi smiled. “Another kid?” her madam had gotten angry when she’d told her in the year 2020. The madam sent money to her through GPay during COVID crisis in the year 2020. She was the one who bought her the big bucket that could hold more water.

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It was 6 AM and Jothi was busy cleaning her small kitchen to make breakfast and lunch. Her eldest daughter would wake up at 7:00. She needed to keep milk ready for her child. She opened a small fridge and took out a milk packet. She turned the knob on the small LPG gas cylinder and lighted the stove. She needed to take the cylinder to a certain place to fill gas every 20 days. She did not like doing this. She wanted to buy an LPG gas stove. She had to pay 2500 Rs for the LPG account. “Ask you madam,” her husband had nonchalantly said. She’ll be meeting her madam after 2 years. Jothi smiled slightly at the thought. ‘Should I take my kids?’ she thought. She wanted to show off her brainy daughters to someone who appreciated brains. “You would have become a successful person if you’d studied, Jothi,” her madam would say. She’d give her compliments like, “ah.. that was smart,” and “Your thinking is out of the box.” Jothi liked to be complimented for her brains. All the compliments she got in her home was that she made delicious bakris and puranpoli. Jothi was going to meet her madam today to ask for loan money for LPG gas booking.

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Jothi carried her youngest and the first two children walked. She walked towards the huge apartment complex near her village in Sector 10, Kharghar. Balaji apartment was a high-rise building in a posh locality. The security person stopped her at the gate and asked her name. He checked his system for her credentials and let her in. Jothi smiled. She still had access. She turned to look at her daughters. “It’s big, right?” she asked them. Both the children smiled brightly at her. She walked through the gate passage and reached the A block. The lobby of the high-rise was decorated with paintings and lights. Her eldest’s gaze was caught by a sparrow nest behind a painting. The mother bird was busy feeling her nestlings. She could hear the nestlings’ cry.

Jothi almost pushed the lift buttons but stopped. “Want to press this? It makes the lifts come down,” she asked her daughters. The middle child jumped with excitement and pushed the buttons. Jothi smiled. Her eldest daughter, who was the curious one, asked, “How? How does this button make the lifts come down?”

“Don’t know,” said Jothi, “Ask madam once we reach the house.”

The lifts came to a halt on the ground floor. Jothi made sure her children got in and pressed the 15 button to reach her madam’s house. The lifts had mirrors as walls and the kids were ecstatic. “Mom.. Mom.. look,” said her middle child and made funny faces. Her eldest was busy adjusting her necklace and earrings. She had dressed her children well to meet madam. She partially expected madam to deny her request for money when she had called her on the phone. She’d already given her a lot of money. She wanted to apologise for asking again when madam had asked her to visit her at her home. Jothi felt happy and nostalgic being in this apartment building. She’d had many friends and foes here. She’d get ready in the morning and head to work. She had been an earning member and respected herself. Jothi’s smile waned. Those were in the past. She was busy taking care of three girls now.

The lift reached the 15^th floor, and she urged her children to get out of the lift. Her middle child was reluctant but obeyed her mother. Jothi rang the bell at house number 1501. She looked at the door decorations with admiration. Her baby tried to pull a shubh-Labh door-hanging, and Jothi scolded her. The door opened and a boy yelled, “Amma! Jothi” and went about his way inside the house. It took a good few seconds for Jothi to realise that this was little Lokesh. He’d become taller than Jothi. “Jothi!” She heard her madam first and then saw her come out of the kitchen as she wiped her hands. “Come! Come!” her madam said and took the baby from Jothi. “What is her name?” she asked.

“Krithika,” said Jothi and pointed to her middle child, “This is Bhuvana.”

“OMG! That small baby is all grown up,” said madam and pinched the middle child’s cheek. She blushed and hid behind Jothi. “How are you, Jothi?” asked madam.

“Good madam. How are you? Loku has grown a lot,” said Jothi.

“Yes! He’s taller than me. Children grow fast. Sit!” she pointed to the plush sofa in the middle of the living room and walked inside the kitchen. Jothi urged her daughters to sit on the sofa. Her middle child tried to climb the sofa and failed. Jothi picked her up and placed her on the soft cushion. The child smiled gleefully and found that the soft cushion bounced. She immediately stood up and jumped on the sofa. “No.. No.. Sit! Sit down. Madam will scold,” said Jothi and sat down beside her daughters. Madam came back with a tray of snacks and placed it on the teapoy. The youngest seemed at ease with the madam. “She is such a sweet child, Jothi,” said madam and planted a kiss on the baby’s cheek. The baby saw her two sisters seated on the sofa and dived towards them to be seated beside them. “Va.. Ma…” she cooed. Jothi got the baby from madam and placed her near her sister.

“Take!” said madam to the children pointing at the snacks. They jumped down the sofa and picked up the chakli and peda on the plates.

“So, Jothi! When are you going to return to work?” asked madam.

Jothi looked down with embarrassment. “Mostly, never. How can I? With these three at home?” her eldest turned to look at her mother. She could sense that her mother was upset. She walked near her and offered her a chakli.

“Why not? When they are older, you can take some time out. Why don’t you ask your mother-in-law to look after them?” asked madam. Jothi did not want to say the truth to madam. She will have to plan another child when her youngest turns one.

“No madam. I won’t be able to adjust. I am not that healthy now,” said Jothi and realised this was the truth. She really was not that healthy now. She hardly slept and drank a lot of chai. She’d been having consistent headaches. Madam always had home remedies for many things. So, Jothi asked her about the headaches. “I have non-stop headaches, madam. It just dulls and becomes more severe. Never completely gone. What should I do?” asked Jothi.

Madam looked at Jothi with pity. Jothi had been a young 21-year-old when she’d come to work for her. She’d recently shifted from Pune and Jothi was the first bai she hired. “Give me 2000 Rs. I’ll do cleaning and dishes,” Jothi had negotiated. Madam knew she was asking more than the standardised payment but liked the wit of this young girl. “Sure! Come at 10:00 am tomorrow,” she’d replied.

Jothi looked pale now. She’d lost a lot of hair. She was still breast feeding and madam was not sure she got the right nutrition for it. Madam smiled slightly and asked, “Are you planning to have another child? I mean, are you still trying to have a boy?”

Jothi did not want to answer her. She was embarrassed by the answer. Jothi sometimes wished she had a simple mind like the people in her family. She wanted to believe boys were better than girls. She just could not. She looked at her eldest. The child was feeding the baby some peda. Jothi’s eyes welled up. “I have to, madam.”

“Why? Why do you have to? Is your husband Mysore’s maharaja? Why does he need an heir? What is he leaving behind?” asked madam, angrily.

Jothi was silent. She knew she had to try again. Her mom’s words rang in her ears, “Your husband will leave you if you don’t produce a boy.”

“Do you want a boy?” asked madam.

“No!” replied Jothi, “If I don’t give birth to a boy, my husband will leave me.”

“No, he will not, you silly girl. This is something people say to make you scared and obedient,” said madam and Jothi finally looked at madam. “Sigh… Where will he go? Will he start a new family? Did he not get chikungunya last year? Who will give their daughter to a guy who has three children? Stop being scared, girl,” said madam and passed a plate of snacks to Jothi. “Do you want another child?”

“No! I don’t” said Jothi.

“Then, don’t have more children,” said madam.

“How? My family will pressure me. They will make me have another child,” said Jothi defeatedly.

“Use contraception,” said madam, and sat down on the sofa.

“How? I don’t have any money,” said Jothi.

“You will get these services for free in Govt. hospitals, Jothi,”

“For free?”

“Yes! Free. All you have to do is ask the gynaecologist,” said madam. Jothi looked confused. “There are many types of contraception a woman can use. Not just tablets. Do not worry. Ask the doctor and get the right one. Let your husband keep trying. Don’t stop him,” said madam and both the women laughed.

“Madam! About the money I asked…” said Jothi.

“Oh! Yes.. One minute,” said madam and went to fetch her purse.

Jothi sat back on the plush sofa and slightly closed her eyes. For some reason, she felt peaceful and relieved. She closed her eyes further. Madam was busy fetching the money from her purse when Loku said, “Amma! Jothi slept. The small child is jumping on the sofa.” Madam laughed slightly and went to check on the kids. Jothi was indeed asleep. Madam picked the baby up who was trying to climb down the sofa.

“Do you both want to sleep here with amma?” madam asked the two children. The middle child promptly got up on the sofa with ease, rested her head on her mother’s lap and closed her eyes. “Can I watch TV?” asked the eldest.

“Laptop?” asked Loku, “You tube?” The eldest nodded and followed Loku to the dining table. Madam took the baby to the kitchen and started to make dinner. The baby sat comfortably on madam’s hips and blabbered away.

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“Did you ask your madam?” asked Jothi’s husband as he soaked clothes in a bucket. Jothi was busy bathing her baby. She sat on the water-stopper at the washroom entrance which gave a bit of elevation to her hips and placed the baby on her stretched out legs. She was busy washing the baby who tried to wiggle away from her grasp. “Jothi!” called her husband, “Did she give you the money?” Jothi nodded. “She wants me to return all the money she’d paid me. It was all a loan, apparently,” said Jothi.

“WHAT?” shouted her husband, “She never mentioned this before! All 8 months salary? She wants us to replay?” He looked furious. He started to push the clothes into the bucket using a cane. Jothi smiled slightly.

“Don’t worry. I convinced her to cut the money gradually from my salary. We will also earn this way,” said Jothi and placed the baby down. She tried to cover the wiggling child in a towel, but she ran away to join her sister who was studying on the bed.

“Salary? You are going to work?” asked her husband in an audibly relieved voice.

“Yes!” replied Jothi, “What else can we do? I do not want you to suffer for this!” Jothi declared and got up with a towel in her hand. She picked her baby up and started to dry her. Her husband continued to soak the clothes. He was relieved. ‘I have a clever wife,’ he thought.

“So, when do you start working?” he asked.

“From next month. I have asked your mother to help me out. Don’t know if she will,” said Jothi.

“I’ll talk to her,” said Jothi’s husband, “You don’t worry.”

Jothi made silly faces to the restless baby and continued to dry her. She had just managed to make the baby wear a jetti, and the baby wiggled away. Jothi sat down defeated on the bed. She turned to look at her eldest daughter who was writing numbers on a notebook. Her daughter looked up at Jothi. “You want something to eat?” asked Jothi. “Yes! Chakli,” replied her eldest. Jothi went to the kitchen, placed two chaklis on a small plate and gave it to her daughter.

Jothi pulled the big steel box out of the kitchen shelf and took some wheat flour in a wide vessel. She started to kneed atta to make some rotis. Jothi realised her headache had reduced.