Spicy Rasam

To be young… and go onsite!! sigh…

Gayathri

Jun 7, 2019

“You’re 25. It’s high time to start searching for a boy. If we wait, all the good ones will be gone” Now, how many of you are going into nostalgia. Seems familiar? For the people who are in blissful (really??) marriage, this is a wonderful (seriously??) memory. And for people who are truthful and admit “Dude I married very young.. baahaaaa”, well this will be a wonderful memory. Give it time.

narada relatives

I married young too. I was 24 when I got married. And there is not a month that goes by when I don’t remind myself, my mom, and my husband of that. (It’s like my bonus card when I’ve lost all possible arguments. “How can you say I don’t pay attention when you talk??? I married you at a tender age of 24”). But, jokes apart, is it really the right age? I mean I had not even started my career. I had great plans for my career, but alas I got pregnant. Do I regret it? Sometimes, yes. Would I have it any other way? No. Because I do not know a life without by baby. Shockingly, I found motherhood enjoyable. I never knew unconditional love before I had my little one.

Now coming back to marrying young. How many of you have felt that they’ve married young? That we had a child too young? Did not live life to fullest? Never had a chance to see the world? Never got to be alone? Never experienced love? Never got to have a career? If you’ve answered yes to any of these, don’t worry you’re not alone.

My major trouble is not being able to see the world. I want to go to USA (apparently, if you’ve seen USA, you’ve seen it all). The dream country everyone’s talking about in Facebook, Star world, and the movie channels. I want to go onsite. Now when I say onsite I do not mean on the client’s site. Because it might even be in Mumbai. Really!! One of my friend is onsite in Mumbai. I want to go to a client site in USA. Why? I just want to. I want to go to USA, live there for sometime with L1 or H1 or some other alphabet visa and then talk about “how it’s not that great, not worth it”.

Now don’t think I am reacting this way owing to peer pressure. Yes! I have friends who live is California, Bay area, NJ, NY, Carolina, Texas and Virginia. Yes! Their lives fascinate me. They eat black, blue, red (I think!!) berries. They get to eat so many different kinds of cheeses. They have great climate there (any temperature below 27 degrees is cold for me, but I can definitely handle 2 feet of snow. Really!!??). Their work culture is awesome. And this I quote “People have so much power here, we don’t have that in India”. And yes! I am not under any peer pressure. I know you’re probably thinking I should Google ‘peer pressure’.

Is it worth it? Should I go to USA? Should I re-root my family? I have no idea! Guess I have an American dream too. But am I ready to pursue that dream? Let’s face it. Our peers literally live all over the world. Yes, we all compete. It’s a rat race. Unknowingly, we compete. Take me for instance. I have an established life here. I am comfortable here. I love my life. My family is comfortable here. Yet! I wish to go to USA. Why? I’d probably say, I can earn more money. Yes! that will be true. But is that all that’s pushing me? Definitely not.

I even have a mother who constantly reminds me that I never go anywhere out of India. “at least get one visa stamp in your passport” she’d tease “or your passport is useless”. What a lovely mom!!! ( I am not being sarcastic here).

Now all this makes me wonder! Should I have not married young? Should I have lived my life, gone onsite, experience life before getting married? And I get angry with my family. They’re the reason I am stuck. My husband can’t go onsite (because all his clients are right here in India. How “unfortunate”.) My family is weighing me down. If this is not peer pressure, I don’t know what is! ( I sound confused! Don’t I?)

confused woman

And men and women… don’t give in. So what if you’ve married young? Doctors advise that marrying young is good. (listen to doctors!) So what if you can’t have a career. I went back to work after 4 years. If you have the self-motivation, tap it, use it and go for it. So what if you can’t see the world. Keep good health. You’re going to have loads to do during old age. My uncle is a very good example. He has settled-off both his sons and now he’s globe-trekking.

In a nutshell! Sit, think, be clear about what you want to do. I did that. Seems I still want to go to USA. Sigh… I’ll never learn. But don’t be like me. Be your own person and set your own goals.

Mumbai’s Locomotive

Gayathri

7 comments

Jun 5, 2019

The big moving metal boxes..

With its wheels screeching, moving and screeching..

It moves about.. moves about… moves about… moves about…

The crowded stations await the trains..

To a city of millions, it is like the veins…

They board it…they need to go places.

mumbai local

There is less space.. very less space..

They hug their purses, hold on to their wallets,

They get ready to travel… they need to go places…

With its wheels screeching, moving and screeching..

It moves about.. moves about… moves about… moves about…

It’s the Mumbai Local…

The locomotive of the city’s locals…

Rich one, poor one, abled and differently abled…

All in a box… a big metal box.

The train moves along,

Without the traffic,

Without the havoc,

Without the blaring horns,

Without the sooty smoke,

With its wheels screeching, moving and screeching..

It moves about.. moves about… moves about… moves about…

It’s the Mumbai Local…

The locomotive of the city’s locals…

To be or not be… a working mom!!!!

Gayathri

7 comments

Jun 4, 2019

So, I’ve started to work full time again and I am loving it. I was living the princess life (You know! I slept in the afternoons, drank fresh tea at 4:00 pm, walked around in my pajamas the whole day) for the past 1.5 years, but now I am back to being the peasant who works like hell.

peasant working

It was quite the struggle for me to convince myself that it was the right decision. I had gotten my son and my husband used to me being the stay at home mom/wife. I was used to being the over-involved mom (at least pretended to be!) who was omni-present (I exaggerate, don’t I. You’re free to bash me in comments) in her child’s life. For the first few months, I asked my son questions like “it is awesome to have mom at home right?” and he would reply “I miss grand-mom’s dosa” (Well! I did too, I never complained). Once I got my family used to me being at home, I went and found a full-time job.

supermom

I know, I know! I am a horrible person. Look! I am not some moron or a manipulative idiot. I really wanted to stay at home. Be a non-caring mom. Be someone who’s primary worry is weight-loss. Be someone who does all the kid’s school projects. Be the one who knows the child’s syllabus by heart (those moms are super humans). Be the mom who drops her child at various classes (Karate, swimming, dancing, singing, cricket, football, we’ve tried it all). Be the wife who literally answers to her husband’s beck and call. Be the wife who keeps warm dinner ready when her husband comes home (I know what you’re thinking. Well! Your thinking is wrong people).

I slog away all day

And I did all this. Did all of this and some more for 1 whole year without complaining. My work friends (such angels) had a bet pool going as to when I will break and go back to work. My mom was both happy and extremely sad (she is not insane, just a Gemini) about me staying at home. My aunts were outright furious that I left my job (what supporting family I have! Sigh….).

After a year, I was lonely. I missed work. Not just the interactions with people. But the whole process of it. I missed wearing good clothes daily. I missed having regular meal hours. I missed being up-to-date on the up-to-date stuff (look! I just missed canteen banter about all the world’s happenings). I even missed the 9-hours rule (I know I am crazy). And, yeah, I missed the monthly salary. It was nice to have an income.

can i have my job back

To summarize, I just missed being a working person with an income. And, so, I am now getting my family used to me working again. I have made my son believe that if women feel stressed or weak, they should quit their work and stay at home (what a bad example I am setting!). The other day, he told me “quit your job, other mom’s stay for my cultural activity at school, but you don’t” (the cultural activity is for an hour! Don’t know what they do the whole day). Seems harsh right? At first glance, it seems like the kid is being a brat. Well! He just misses me and is Lashing out.

I am quite confused as to what role I am supposed to play and what role I like to play. I seem to have this obsession with impressing people (which woman does not!). I want my husband to be proud of me. I want my son to be proud of me. I want my mom, my aunts, my extended family to be proud of me. More than all, I want myself to be proud of me.

I’ve finally realized that “you can’t impress everyone”. Someone will always be unhappy about your life decisions. And I will not change myself, so they can be happy and proud (hmmm! I don’t sound like a preachy baba right?).

So, I’ve started to work full time again and I am loving it. The company is good, people are good, and I love my work. The other day, my son ransacked my bag to find my mobile charger and found a parker pen. He was so fascinated by it and asked me “MOM! Your office gives you parker pens?” “Yes” I replied proudly. “WOW! That’s an awesome office.” I said “you can take it kiddo! It’s yours” “no! no! I will lose it, it is costly”. I said “keep it safe! I can always get another pen from my office”. I will never forget the look in his eyes. He was proud of me folks! He was proud of me because my office gives me parker pen! (I will never figure kids out).

I have a pen

I have seen people taking about getting out of the comfort zone so as to achieve things. We gals have been doing it for as long as I remember. It is ok to feel guilty, depressed, happy, sad and proud at the same time. We’re women, we’re complex (Now! Let’s enjoy confusing the hell out of ourselves and others).